can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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