Need sex. Gaining weight.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
