I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
