Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
