Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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