If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
