i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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