If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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