We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
