I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
