I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
