I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
