My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
