i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
