I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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