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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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