Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
