I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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