the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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