I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
