Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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