whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
