does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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