No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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