I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
