I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
