Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
