I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize