my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
