I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
