piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Panties = found
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
