Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
