Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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