your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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