wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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