Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
