Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
