Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
