O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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