Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
