My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
