I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize