if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
