I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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