it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize