If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
