I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
