btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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