Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
