You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize