Have you finally orgasmed yet?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
