I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
