I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
