I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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