I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
