It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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