hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
