Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
