Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
