Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
