Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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